bring oneself to do smth

(from Idioms in Speech)

to get oneself to do something, to make oneself do something

I could not bring myself to tell him that I had not seen Jean for the past four days. (A. Cronin)

With a considerable effort, he brought himself to look the suede shoe man straight in the eyes. (J. Wain)

Then she lay back for a long time before she could bring herself to eat. (D. Cusack)

He could not bring himself to ask him what he really wanted to know. (D. Cusack)

Although Моr struggled in his seat he could not bring himself to get up. (I. Murdoch)